My first STD was from a foam party
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
