How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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