fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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