girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
