I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
