u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
