and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
