According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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