so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
