I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
