I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I love having hate sex.
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
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he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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