based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
