I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
