Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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