I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
