hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
