all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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