Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Send help, water and tortillas.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
