Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
