I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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