the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
