The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
