Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
