mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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