Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
