mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
