Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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