I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
