Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
