how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
