I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
