I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
