I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
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Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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