he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
