a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
