doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
