So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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