we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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