you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
