You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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