Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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