Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
