Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
