the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.