She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.