I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
