You're completely useless in the revolution.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
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a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
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OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night