Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.