So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Are we still banned from the library?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.