dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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