everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
