singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
