yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
