what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
