When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
