no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
