Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
