I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
