i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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