A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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