I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
