i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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