well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
