I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
