As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
