Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
