Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
