if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
