it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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