I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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