I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
