dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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