Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
