Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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