UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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