Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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