You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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