i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
