dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
