I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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