I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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