This is not my ceiling
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
