hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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