Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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